[ There's a lot she could say here. She could say that she doesn't want other memories, there's no point if Keiji's not a part of her life, it's all so unfair--
--But those are things she would have said during those dark days, weeks, almost months she spent mourning him after he was killed. And those are times that even someone who's made of yesterdays like Kasumi would rather not dwell on. ]
... Yeah.
[ She hears him. Whether or not she'll listen is another story. ]
It's--strange, Shep. Before I got to this place, I was so ready to just spend the rest of my time with Keiji, because it felt like sooner or later that time would end. Because of the Reapers, you know? But things are different here.
[ It's okay, Kasumi, by this point Shepard's resigned to nobody ever listening to any advice he might dispense... at best, he just helps people accept the decisions they've already made well before hand. ]
You ever think about what you'd do if he ... if Keiji ever showed up here?
It's come up before, in a way, when Kaidan found out about Keiji--he'd mentioned that the Porter could bring the dead back to life, and--well. Kasumi didn't particularly know what to do with that information. On the one hand, there was a momentary spark of hope--but she'd hesitated, then, because she'd spent so long grieving him that she didn't know what she'd do if he came back. And then later, she mulled over it--what if it really did do that? What if Keiji could be brought back to life and they could live here where it doesn't matter if he has war-igniting intel in his graybox and where they could build a whole different life here together?
That was probably around when she began diving into the graybox almost every night, fervently wishing for that to come true.
But then weeks, and then months passed since she first arrived at this place, and with no sign of Keiji. What are the chances, anyway? There are literally an infinite number of dimensions the Porter could choose from. Somehow, they've ended up with several from theirs, but still. Was it still okay to hope?
And what if he did come back now? What would he think of her? She's different from who she was back then, she thinks. She's teamed up with Commander freaking Shepard and helped save the damn galaxy. She's settling into this strange place and making friends. What if... what if that wouldn't work with him...? ]
... I don't know, Shep. I think I'd be happy if he did. If there's anyone that deserves a second chance at life, it's Keiji.
[ Shepard can think of people he's not really sure how he'd respond to if they showed up in this world. He's made difficult choices of his own, of course, things he's not really proud of. He wouldn't necessarily choose differently -- he wouldn't be where he is today without them -- but there's a world of possibilities out there, and knowing that so much could turn on a single choice is ... daunting.
And maybe it's projecting, but he thinks he can pick up a touch of that hesitation in her voice as well. He understands, maybe. Kaidan hadn't exactly been thrilled to see him again, just as much as Shepard had been angry and confused about finding himself awake again after a distinct memory of death. ]
If he does show up, I hope he takes it better than I did.
[ That earns Shepard a rueful sort of laugh from Kasumi. ]
Keiji is really good at adapting to the situation, so he probably would.
[ She doesn't quite realize how telling it is that she sometimes still refers to him in the present tense. The truth, however, is that Kasumi isn't sure on that front, either--if Keiji would take it any better than Shep did. Keiji... he was ready to die. The fact that there'd been a prerecorded message for her when she accessed his graybox was only testimony to that; he knew he could be gone at any moment. That's why he urged her to leave him behind when Hock killed him. He knew it was going to happen sooner rather than later and he knew that they would be together again through their memories.
Because he knew that if he hadn't been prepared, if he hadn't had the presence of mind to make sure they would find a way to be together again, Kasumi would have begged to stay, to die with him right then and there. And if he hadn't been prepared, he wouldn't have been able to fight her on it.
But he did, and now here she is. Still unsure. ]
I don't know if I should... keep hoping he might show up here. It just doesn't seem likely, and yet...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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--No, apparently. ]
--What do you mean by that?
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That doesn't mean you can't make other memories too.
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--But those are things she would have said during those dark days, weeks, almost months she spent mourning him after he was killed. And those are times that even someone who's made of yesterdays like Kasumi would rather not dwell on. ]
... Yeah.
[ She hears him. Whether or not she'll listen is another story. ]
It's--strange, Shep. Before I got to this place, I was so ready to just spend the rest of my time with Keiji, because it felt like sooner or later that time would end. Because of the Reapers, you know? But things are different here.
[ And she's not sure what to do. ]
no subject
[ It's okay, Kasumi, by this point Shepard's resigned to nobody ever listening to any advice he might dispense... at best, he just helps people accept the decisions they've already made well before hand. ]
You ever think about what you'd do if he ... if Keiji ever showed up here?
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It's come up before, in a way, when Kaidan found out about Keiji--he'd mentioned that the Porter could bring the dead back to life, and--well. Kasumi didn't particularly know what to do with that information. On the one hand, there was a momentary spark of hope--but she'd hesitated, then, because she'd spent so long grieving him that she didn't know what she'd do if he came back. And then later, she mulled over it--what if it really did do that? What if Keiji could be brought back to life and they could live here where it doesn't matter if he has war-igniting intel in his graybox and where they could build a whole different life here together?
That was probably around when she began diving into the graybox almost every night, fervently wishing for that to come true.
But then weeks, and then months passed since she first arrived at this place, and with no sign of Keiji. What are the chances, anyway? There are literally an infinite number of dimensions the Porter could choose from. Somehow, they've ended up with several from theirs, but still. Was it still okay to hope?
And what if he did come back now? What would he think of her? She's different from who she was back then, she thinks. She's teamed up with Commander freaking Shepard and helped save the damn galaxy. She's settling into this strange place and making friends. What if... what if that wouldn't work with him...? ]
... I don't know, Shep. I think I'd be happy if he did. If there's anyone that deserves a second chance at life, it's Keiji.
[ But still. She's unsure. ]
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And maybe it's projecting, but he thinks he can pick up a touch of that hesitation in her voice as well. He understands, maybe. Kaidan hadn't exactly been thrilled to see him again, just as much as Shepard had been angry and confused about finding himself awake again after a distinct memory of death. ]
If he does show up, I hope he takes it better than I did.
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Keiji is really good at adapting to the situation, so he probably would.
[ She doesn't quite realize how telling it is that she sometimes still refers to him in the present tense. The truth, however, is that Kasumi isn't sure on that front, either--if Keiji would take it any better than Shep did. Keiji... he was ready to die. The fact that there'd been a prerecorded message for her when she accessed his graybox was only testimony to that; he knew he could be gone at any moment. That's why he urged her to leave him behind when Hock killed him. He knew it was going to happen sooner rather than later and he knew that they would be together again through their memories.
Because he knew that if he hadn't been prepared, if he hadn't had the presence of mind to make sure they would find a way to be together again, Kasumi would have begged to stay, to die with him right then and there. And if he hadn't been prepared, he wouldn't have been able to fight her on it.
But he did, and now here she is. Still unsure. ]
I don't know if I should... keep hoping he might show up here. It just doesn't seem likely, and yet...