[ Shepard exhales softly. Like Jacob, he knows better than to say anything explicit, but he has ... a pretty good idea of what he's talking about. He hadn't responded to the post, but --]
When the stakes get higher, things start getting heavier. The more people you've got counting on you, the more you know you can't afford to mess it up. [ A pause, and then more lightly: ]
That's when it helps to have people you can depend on to back you up.
That's always a plus. I like to think I've got some good people on my side right now. But they're counting on me too. The more they give me their best, the more I know that they deserve mine in return.
It's... a lot of pressure. But it feels good, too.
Don't start power tripping on me now, Jacob. [ He's joking, of course, though his tone grows serious enough quickly. Jacob had sounded like there was something on his mind when he contacted him. ]
Sounds like you're not doing too bad. What's got you worried?
I won't go too far, Shepard. Maybe far enough to get me some store discounts, if I end up famous.
[Unlikely, in this case. Half the point of Archangel is that it's bad for the kinds of businesses that are attracted to Maurtia Falls.]
I'm worried because I don't think it can last. Things are going well so far, but I expect that will change. I'm trying to think ahead, see what could go wrong. I've come up with a long list, and I know it's not close to being full.
It's... been a while. I'm handling a lot of things at night. And sleeping during the day is a hard habit to get into. There's always something else to focus on.
[Jacob matches the Commander's chuckle, soft and through the nose.]
Par for the course is right. This is the life: bad people out to kill you, never knowing where or when they're going to come at you. I was fine with that when I was mainly responsible for my own ass on the line. But now? It's a different world.
We are in a different world. [ Shepard points out. ]
I know I'm probably the last person to talk, but maybe you should work on getting some sleep and letting someone else handle things for a while. It's no good if you can't give it a hundred percent.
Honestly? I think Miranda actually got less sleep than I did, andran the ship whether I was around or not. [ He pauses, reflectively. ] I kind of thought of her as a babysitter, you know? Someone Cerberus put to keep an eye on me and make sure I was behaving.
She turned out to be someone I could really count on. I was glad to have both of you on my crew.
[ He kind of misses having her around, even if he knows it wouldn't have been the same. This world represents more potential for her than she had under his command. ]
Sounds like Miranda. Never met anyone who pushed themselves the way she did. I wish she was still here, Shepard. She has a way of seeing what's what. I could use that, doing what I'm doing.
[What Shepard feels, Jacob says outright. Holding back is just not a thing for him, for better or for worse.]
I know the Illusive Man planned for her to babysit you- and the rest of us. I still remember the look on her face when Mordin returned the bugs he swept from his lab.
[Jacob pauses to chuckle. That had been a good day.]
But that was at the beginning. By the end, she was your crew. We all were.
So do I. Did she really expect anything different from someone who used to be with the Salarian STG?
[ Shepard chuckles, too, lost in reminiscing for a moment, before he sobers again. ]
I couldn't have asked for anyone better to watch my back. It's different here, though. It feels like we're all ... [ He's not good at articulating the abstraction of that feeling, of being a part of a crew -- living, sleeping, and breathing the same recycled air, like you were one creature instead of several. ]
[Jacob pauses. Now it's reversed- what Jacob has been feeling, Shepard has put words to better than he could.]
Yeah. We're all on our own paths. No Reapers or Collectors to give us a mission, no Galaxy needing saving. The government might have put a leash on us, but they don't tug it often. Leaves us all with a lot of space to explore what we want to do, doesn't it?
Tough topic. She's you, but... different. And not just because she looks different, or because she isn't biotic.
The main thing about Shepard is that she always knows which way she's pointing. Knows when to hold the line, and when to walk over it- and how far. I admire that.
But I wouldn't call that a difference between the two of you. You're the same way. You decide.
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When the stakes get higher, things start getting heavier. The more people you've got counting on you, the more you know you can't afford to mess it up. [ A pause, and then more lightly: ]
That's when it helps to have people you can depend on to back you up.
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It's... a lot of pressure. But it feels good, too.
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Sounds like you're not doing too bad. What's got you worried?
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[Unlikely, in this case. Half the point of Archangel is that it's bad for the kinds of businesses that are attracted to Maurtia Falls.]
I'm worried because I don't think it can last. Things are going well so far, but I expect that will change. I'm trying to think ahead, see what could go wrong. I've come up with a long list, and I know it's not close to being full.
I don't know. Maybe the nerves are getting to me.
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Considering our line of work, isn't paranoia par for the course?
[ He pauses, thinking. ]
When's the last time you got any rest?
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[Jacob matches the Commander's chuckle, soft and through the nose.]
Par for the course is right. This is the life: bad people out to kill you, never knowing where or when they're going to come at you. I was fine with that when I was mainly responsible for my own ass on the line. But now? It's a different world.
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I know I'm probably the last person to talk, but maybe you should work on getting some sleep and letting someone else handle things for a while. It's no good if you can't give it a hundred percent.
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[Jacob sighs.]
You're probably right. World won't end if I hand things off for a few hours while I get some shut-eye.
Let me ask you something first, though. Back on the Normandy- who did you hand things off to when you needed to crash? Miranda?
ugh i thought i replied to this
Honestly? I think Miranda actually got less sleep than I did, andran the ship whether I was around or not. [ He pauses, reflectively. ] I kind of thought of her as a babysitter, you know? Someone Cerberus put to keep an eye on me and make sure I was behaving.
She turned out to be someone I could really count on. I was glad to have both of you on my crew.
[ He kind of misses having her around, even if he knows it wouldn't have been the same. This world represents more potential for her than she had under his command. ]
you've been busy <3
[What Shepard feels, Jacob says outright. Holding back is just not a thing for him, for better or for worse.]
I know the Illusive Man planned for her to babysit you- and the rest of us. I still remember the look on her face when Mordin returned the bugs he swept from his lab.
[Jacob pauses to chuckle. That had been a good day.]
But that was at the beginning. By the end, she was your crew. We all were.
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[ Shepard chuckles, too, lost in reminiscing for a moment, before he sobers again. ]
I couldn't have asked for anyone better to watch my back. It's different here, though. It feels like we're all ... [ He's not good at articulating the abstraction of that feeling, of being a part of a crew -- living, sleeping, and breathing the same recycled air, like you were one creature instead of several. ]
Figuring out what we want for ourselves.
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Yeah. We're all on our own paths. No Reapers or Collectors to give us a mission, no Galaxy needing saving. The government might have put a leash on us, but they don't tug it often. Leaves us all with a lot of space to explore what we want to do, doesn't it?
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Anyway. I should see about arranging that shut-eye before something else comes up. Thanks for the talk, Commander.
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If something comes up and you need a hand... let me know, all right? [ There's a trace of a grin in his voice as he responds. ]
I might not be able to pull as many strings here as I could back home, but I can still watch your back.
ah sorry I lost this
[And when shit does go down, there won't be any time to call the Commander for help anyway...]
no worries!
Hopefully.
[ There's a pause where it seems like he'd hang up, but instead, what comes out surprises even him: ]
You know, I've been meaning to ask you ... what's the me in your world like?
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[Welping intensifies.]
Tough topic. She's you, but... different. And not just because she looks different, or because she isn't biotic.
The main thing about Shepard is that she always knows which way she's pointing. Knows when to hold the line, and when to walk over it- and how far. I admire that.
But I wouldn't call that a difference between the two of you. You're the same way. You decide.