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[sassguard]

"You've reached Commander Shepard."

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[sassguard]

[ so weird, but it's enough to catch Shepard off guard enough to admit-- ]

It's hard to imagine it getting better.

[stealwithit]

Oh my god.

That is the sweetest thing I've heard.

[sassguard]

[ He's honestly not sure how she expects him to react to that, but after a few seconds' hesitation, he finally ventures-- ]

I wasn't trying to be.

[stealwithit]

Even better.

[ A beat of silence; thought, on Kasumi's part. ]

I really am glad for you two, you know. I suppose being removed from a galaxy at war's given you more time to think about personal relationships, huh?

[ It certainly has done that for her, though she doesn't quite realize it for what it is, nor would she admit it even if she was aware. ]

[sassguard]

[ Funny she should bring that up. Shepard clears his throat a little, his frown audible even just on the audio feed. ]

It wasn't at war yet. At least not for me. Kaidan says the Reapers have attacked Earth and the rest of the galaxy where he's from, but the last thing I remember is sitting in a room at Alliance HQ after I turned myself in. [ He pauses. ]

How long ago was that, for you?

[stealwithit]

[ She finds herself having to double take back to when she first arrived here when he talks about discrepancies between... timelines. She had heard that was an issue amongst the crew, but she's never bothered much to figure out just how mismatched they all were. Now's a good a time as any, right? ]

That... was a little while ago. Not too long ago. But the Reapers had attacked Earth. They hadn't really attacked the rest of the galaxy quite yet, so I suppose that places the Major ahead of me. The last I'd heard of you was that you were on Sur'Kesh.

[sassguard]

Sur'Kesh?

[ Huh. Kaidan hadn't mentioned anything about that. ]

I don't suppose you have any idea what I was doing there?

[stealwithit]

I'm... actually a little fuzzy on the details, Shep. [ After all, the only reason she'd know is because she'd snooped around to check in on the Normandy out of curiosity. ] But I'm fairly certain it had to do with the genophage.

[sassguard]

[ Ah. Well, that makes sense, tying into what Kaidan has told him. He rubs the back of his neck, the wryness creeping through his tone audible even now. ]

Kaidan said something about curing it.

[stealwithit]

Yeah. Just, you know, changing the course of history. Which sort of just sounds like a regular Tuesday for you.

I wish I could tell you more, but it's surprisingly hard to keep track of the Normandy from far away.

[sassguard]

I'm surprised you didn't just sneak on. But I'm touched you're keeping tabs on me.

[stealwithit]

[ ...oh boy. ]

Right. You wouldn't remember the... conversation we had on the Citadel.

[sassguard]

Afraid not. But you could fill me in.

[stealwithit]

Well...

[ She trails off, unsure of where to begin. ]

Remember that dangerous intel that Keiji had in his graybox...?

[sassguard]

After what we went through to get it, it's not the kind of thing you forget.

[stealwithit]

[ She huffs a quiet laugh. ]

I am pretty good at creating unforgettable moments.

But anyway... I looked into what exactly it was. It wasn't pretty. Proof of an Alliance black ops raid on a Batarian research station researching Reaper tech that ultimately ended in a ton of dead Batarians. When I looked into it more, it seemed like the story didn't end there, so I leaked it to a Spectre named Jondum Bau.

Guy's been after me for years, but I figured he could look into it more than I could.

[sassguard]

Tricking a Spectre into doing your dirty work for you? You get points for creativity, at least.

[ Shepard's only teasing, though, and his tone grows serious soon enough -- after all, "Reaper tech that ended in a ton of dead Batarians" is uncomfortably close to personal experience, after all. ]

Was Bau on the Citadel?

[stealwithit]

He was. And he asked for your help, naturally. I wasn't quite expecting that, but it was a pleasant surprise. He even figured out that the anonymous tip was from me.

[ A pause. ]

Still couldn't catch me, though, even though I was right there and decided to tag along with you while you went about snooping about the Citadel for more information. The loose end was that there were hanar operatives-turned-diplomats present during that raid, too, and of course they were indoctrinated.

Well. If nothing else, we got to catch up a little.

[sassguard]

Indoctrinated hanar? That's not something you hear about every day.

[ Shepard doesn't know whether to be horrified or impressed. Trying to imagine the Reapers taking over the Universe via the Hanar is an amusing mental image though, as much as he hates to admit it... ]

Sounds like future me gets to be a pretty busy guy. I glad he made time.

[stealwithit]

I haven't even gotten to the best part. The hanar had a mistress.

A mistress. Isn't that just odd?

[ She chuckles. ]

In any case, I'm glad future you made the time, too. You were a huge help. The indoctrinated hanar went all religious zealot and tried to disable all of Kahje's defenses so that the Reapers could have at it, but you and Bau--well, and me--made it just in time to stop.

I believe your exact words were, "You big stupid jellyfish."

[sassguard]

[ That's enough to make him laugh. ]

I guess future me and I have more in common than I realized. [ He pauses. ] So technically, you helped save our galaxy as we know it?

[stealwithit]

[ She makes a hesitant sort of hum at that. Even having fought alongside the crew for the suicide mission, Kasumi would always hesitate at being identified as any sort of hero. She's a thief. ]

I wouldn't say it like that. I was just at the right place at the right time.

[ A white lie. Kahje might have been destroyed as per the hanar diplomat's insane plans had Kasumi chosen not to intervene by leaking the intel to Bau. ]

[sassguard]

[ Whatever, Kasumi. Deny it all you want, but you're a certified hero. ]

I could say the same thing about the last two years, but no one's letting me get away with it. [ He pauses, then grins. ] Don't worry. I'm not going to ruin your reputation.

[stealwithit]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[ Denial until the very end, it looks like. ]

Anyway, it was a good chance to catch up for a little bit. You tried to get me to join back up, of course.

[sassguard]

I'm assuming I didnt succeed.