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[sassguard]

"You've reached Commander Shepard."

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[sassguard]

[ And now he does sputter. ]

Things weren't that awkward. [ Actually, Shep, they kind of were. A pause, and then, uncomfortably: ] I didn't think ... you could tell?

[stealwithit]

[ Sorry, but all you're going to be hearing from the other end for a moment is

Kasumi.

Laughing. ]

[sassguard]

[ Shepard's groan is slightly muffled, because he's pressing his face into his hand. ]

It's not that funny.

[stealwithit]

Sorry, Shep. That was rude of me.

Maybe it wasn't obvious to everyone else, but you know how hard it is to get something like that past someone like me.

[sassguard]

You do spend too much time watching people.

[ The ribbing comes from a place of love... mostly. ]

[stealwithit]

[ she hums thoughtfully. ]

Come on. Compared to my other hobbies, people-watching is the most harmless.

[sassguard]

Can't argue with that.

[stealwithit]

Yeah, I thought so.

What're you gonna do about your living situation? Tear down that wall between your bedrooms?

[ She hasn't been there since that time after Valentine's Day, so... she's unaware that there's a Kaidan-shaped hole practically doing all the renovation work for them on said wall. ]

[sassguard]

Don't you think that's a little drastic? It's been less than a week.

[stealwithit]

No?

[ A beat. ]

Doesn't it kill you, though, going to bed at night, knowing your lover is just on the other side of that wall, probably thinking about you...

[ Please stop Kasumi from writing friend fiction out loud. ]

[sassguard]

[ If they were face-to-face, she could probably see his brain short-circuiting in protest, but as it is he manages to barely choke out a coherent response. ]

That's not convincing me.

[stealwithit]

You roll over, your breath quiet and your body still, and you swear you can almost hear him breathing on the other side...

[ Seriously you need to stop her... ]

[sassguard]

Is this the kind of thing you think about in your spare time?

[ Seriously, he's horrified, but also kind of morbidly fascinated, before he catches himself and remembers that he's really not supposed to be encouraging this kind of behavior. ]

Anyway, it's not like that. You make it sound like I'm pining.

[stealwithit]

--Wait, are you not?

[ You can't see it, Shep, but she is shaking her head at you. ]

[sassguard]

[ Why the headshake, Kasumi... anyway, he avoids answering the question. ]

I don't want to assume too much.

[stealwithit]

[ She sounds totally unconvinced: ]

Uh-huh.

All that sexual tension, and you're not pining now that you two are together. Not at all. That makes perfect sense.

[sassguard]

[ Well when she puts it like that -- ]

You can't pine for something that you already have, can you?

[stealwithit]

[ OOOOOOoooooo... ]

Touché, Commander.

You still can, though. Like you can pine for him while you're at work or he can pine for you when you're at work. That kind of thing.

[sassguard]

[ Well, maybe Shepard pines a little, but he figured that was a little weird. No way is he admitting that to Kasumi, though. ]

That doesn't sound like ... it would help either of us accomplish much.

[stealwithit]

Maybe, but it sure as hell makes the time you do get to spend together that much sweeter, right?

[ she sounds sincere. Weird. ]

[sassguard]

[ so weird, but it's enough to catch Shepard off guard enough to admit-- ]

It's hard to imagine it getting better.

[stealwithit]

Oh my god.

That is the sweetest thing I've heard.

[sassguard]

[ He's honestly not sure how she expects him to react to that, but after a few seconds' hesitation, he finally ventures-- ]

I wasn't trying to be.

[stealwithit]

Even better.

[ A beat of silence; thought, on Kasumi's part. ]

I really am glad for you two, you know. I suppose being removed from a galaxy at war's given you more time to think about personal relationships, huh?

[ It certainly has done that for her, though she doesn't quite realize it for what it is, nor would she admit it even if she was aware. ]

[sassguard]

[ Funny she should bring that up. Shepard clears his throat a little, his frown audible even just on the audio feed. ]

It wasn't at war yet. At least not for me. Kaidan says the Reapers have attacked Earth and the rest of the galaxy where he's from, but the last thing I remember is sitting in a room at Alliance HQ after I turned myself in. [ He pauses. ]

How long ago was that, for you?