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[sassguard]

"You've reached Commander Shepard."

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[sassguard]

[ It takes a couple of rings, but Shepard picks up eventually. ]

Kasumi? What's up?

[stealwithit]

Hello, John. [ you can practically hear the smirking of her lips in her voice. This whole "John" thing is going to be such a wild ride. ]

Congratulations on your new relationship status.

[sassguard]

[ There's a pause while he processes that. Yes, Kaidan had warned him that Kasumi had been snooping around, but he didn't think she was going to say something about it this soon. ]

Ah ... thanks. [ He's Commander Shepard and Commander Shepard doesn't blush, but he's at least squirming faintly. He also manages to sound unmistakably happier. ]

[stealwithit]

[ Shep, please. You should be surprised she didn't contact you the second after she found out. In any case, the happiness in his voice is indeed unmistakable, and Kasumi has to bite back a big old "awww" before she responds with, ]

Awww.

[ Woops. ]

You guys are in your honeymoon phase, aren't you?

[sassguard]

We're not--

[ He manages not to sound too defensive... How is it that they're together and still failing at this. After a minute, he realizes how that sounds, and he amends: ]

I don't know what to call it. Do I need to call it something?

[stealwithit]

Well, you don't need to call it that.

[ She is very, very amused, and it comes through in her voice. But really it just sounds like regular old Kasumi being Kasumi. ]

But every couple goes through that phase. Every couple.

[sassguard]

[ He sighs, scratching at his stubble, but despite himself his smile is audible. ]

Yeah, all right. [ Pause. ] I'm still getting used to it.

[ And getting used to being called a couple, too. ]

[stealwithit]

[ Kasumi lets out a lighthearted little laugh. ]

Nothing wrong with admitting that, you know. But, hey, I'm really happy for you two.

[ And in true Kasumi fashion, she has to ruin a completely heartfelt moment with something like, ]

That sexual tension was getting unbearable. Maybe now we can throw a party with everyone without it turning ridiculously awkward.

[sassguard]

[ And now he does sputter. ]

Things weren't that awkward. [ Actually, Shep, they kind of were. A pause, and then, uncomfortably: ] I didn't think ... you could tell?

[stealwithit]

[ Sorry, but all you're going to be hearing from the other end for a moment is

Kasumi.

Laughing. ]

[sassguard]

[ Shepard's groan is slightly muffled, because he's pressing his face into his hand. ]

It's not that funny.

[stealwithit]

Sorry, Shep. That was rude of me.

Maybe it wasn't obvious to everyone else, but you know how hard it is to get something like that past someone like me.

[sassguard]

You do spend too much time watching people.

[ The ribbing comes from a place of love... mostly. ]

[stealwithit]

[ she hums thoughtfully. ]

Come on. Compared to my other hobbies, people-watching is the most harmless.

[sassguard]

Can't argue with that.

[stealwithit]

Yeah, I thought so.

What're you gonna do about your living situation? Tear down that wall between your bedrooms?

[ She hasn't been there since that time after Valentine's Day, so... she's unaware that there's a Kaidan-shaped hole practically doing all the renovation work for them on said wall. ]

[sassguard]

Don't you think that's a little drastic? It's been less than a week.

[stealwithit]

No?

[ A beat. ]

Doesn't it kill you, though, going to bed at night, knowing your lover is just on the other side of that wall, probably thinking about you...

[ Please stop Kasumi from writing friend fiction out loud. ]

[sassguard]

[ If they were face-to-face, she could probably see his brain short-circuiting in protest, but as it is he manages to barely choke out a coherent response. ]

That's not convincing me.

[stealwithit]

You roll over, your breath quiet and your body still, and you swear you can almost hear him breathing on the other side...

[ Seriously you need to stop her... ]

[sassguard]

Is this the kind of thing you think about in your spare time?

[ Seriously, he's horrified, but also kind of morbidly fascinated, before he catches himself and remembers that he's really not supposed to be encouraging this kind of behavior. ]

Anyway, it's not like that. You make it sound like I'm pining.

[stealwithit]

--Wait, are you not?

[ You can't see it, Shep, but she is shaking her head at you. ]

[sassguard]

[ Why the headshake, Kasumi... anyway, he avoids answering the question. ]

I don't want to assume too much.

[stealwithit]

[ She sounds totally unconvinced: ]

Uh-huh.

All that sexual tension, and you're not pining now that you two are together. Not at all. That makes perfect sense.

[sassguard]

[ Well when she puts it like that -- ]

You can't pine for something that you already have, can you?